Things Women Should Do...MY Version!

Woman's Day online recently put up an article entitled 40 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Dies

And of course, I went to it and ticked off all of the things that I, a woman in her mid-40s, had done. We all did, in the comments of our friend's Facecrack post.

Then I got a wee bit pissed off - a list of things that I do before I die should be full of things to do, not things that I've already done, or that are irrelevant to me, such as:

#24 Offer to pay for a date and actually do it.
It's remarkably empowering. 

Huh? I've never identified with women who expect the man to pay for the date. Already this tells me that I am not the audience for this list.

Seven of the 40 are about food - eating dessert for breakfast, eating something totally new, learning to make a full meal, eating nothing but junk food all day, ordering and eating a decadent dessert. Oh, and of course there are the ones about your daily workout - don't go to the gym for a week, take a kickboxing class. And two about your hair - cut it short, streak it.

I might add the kickboxing class to my list - but feel empowered by eating dessert? I should be Superwoman!

Some are valid - and when I say 'valid' I mean by my subjective, idiosyncratic perspective:

• live alone 
• travel alone
• go on a road trip with a friend
• quit a job you hate
• cut out friends that you don't like/who hold you back
• throw yourself into a hobby
• try things (food, activities) that stretch your comfort zone
• do something once a year that scares you
• speak in public

BUT, my problem is, I've done these. (Okay, not the 'do something once a year that scares you" one - I just know that I need to do that...) Any attempts to create this list requires a group of like-minded women to add the one (or two) things that they're really proud of - and we grow it from there.

The challenge is set. I will share this post around - get more things for the list from others, and edit to add them.

"It's just a TV show..."

So Benedict Cumberbatch has announced his engagement to Sophie Hunter - I hope they find happiness. It's hard enough to find happiness in marriage without the glare of the public eye.

What amazes me though is the intensity of his (mostly female) fan base - the 'Cumberbitches', defined so very objectively (and ill-spelled) on the Urban Dictionary as:

1.Any woman who has a deep fasination [sic] with the wonderful, beautiful, talented English stage and on-screen actor Benedict Cumberbatch.
2. A refernce [sic]given to people who admire the beautiful features of Benedict Cumberbatch. ex- his green eyes, beautiful cheekbones, sexy toussled [sic] hair.
3. Can be proper ladies, or "dirty. dirty ladies" and everyone in between.

I will not deny that the man is a wonderful actor - I watched the National Theatre Live's Frankenstein, staring the Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller and thoroughly enjoyed it. The two men switched roles every night on stage for the run, playing both the creator and the creature - an astounding tour de force of talent.

Which brings me to the absurdity...what is it about our day-and-age that inspires such intense fandom? Don't get me wrong - I'm a fan. I will bore you to tears about how great Babylon 5 is, how I wish they'd not cancelled Firefly after a season and how Han shot first. But the vehemence and sometimes venom with which some Cumberbitches will defend their loved one's pre-eminence is truly bizarre.

Let's go back to the afore-mentioned Miller - he happens to star in his own, US-based, Sherlock-Holmes-based show, Elementary. Cumberbatch's Sherlock runs 3 shows a 'season', and they're essentially movies, and filmed as such. Miller's Elementary is a 20+ episode per season police procedural. They're different shows, different formats, with a similar premise. They're both interpreting a fictional character. They're both shows on TV. Can I repeat that? They're both shows on TV.

Why is it then that I've had vitriol and near-spit aimed at me for saying: "I like watching Elementary as well"? I truly don't get it.

To the Cumberbitches: I like him too. Cumberbatch is a powerful actor. He's in a very good TV show.
To the fanatical Cumberbitches: He's just a man, in a TV show. And yes, he's getting married.

To Cumberbatch: Good luck, man, on your marriage. You've done well keeping your private life out of the public eye - keep it up!

A Realization...

Ah, well. You know how it is. The absurdities of life have sort of taken over...start paying attention to them, and they pile up either in numbers too many to fully synthesize or too many to even fathom.

But really? I'm not the writer, the artist, the actor on the world stage -- I'm audience. I prefer taking photos to being in them, directing actors to being on-stage, and commenting on others' online contributions rather than attempting to produce interesting content myself.

So, I will keep this blog open, 'cause who knows when I'll want to come back to it...but I'm pretty much migrating my commentary on life's absurdities to Google+. Come find me there!

Cheers,

Lori

Me and Work

I have two main worries in life...one, that if I were to find myself hanging from a cliff or window ledge, dependent on my arm strength, I would be a goner. The other is that come the post-Apocalyptic world, I would be as useful as, well, tits on a bull.

I've had the second concern for awhile...since my 20s actually. Listening to the Indigo Girls...



...where the chorus "I've got to get out of bed and get a hammer and nail, learn how to use my hands" would make me feel so...uselessly intellectual.

To this day, I have that feeling. Oh, I can use a hammer...I just never do. If the world fell into chaos tomorrow, I would be useful in helping to organize people, or preparing curriculum for others to teach survival skills...but of no practical use myself. I'd probably be the first one eaten.

All of these thoughts are coming up now because I picked up a copy of the Spring 2011 Lampham's Quarterly, the topic of this month is Lines of Work.

Here's a quote from Robert Burton (Britain, late 1500s):

"A young man is like a fair new house: the carpenter leaves it well-built, in good repair, of solid stuff, but a bad tenant lets it rain in, and for want of reparation, fall into decay, etc. Our parents, tutors, friends, spare no cost to bring us up in our youth in all manner of virtuous education, but when we are left to ourselves, idleness as a tempest drives all virtuous motions out of our minds, on a sudden, by sloth and such bad ways, we come to nought."

[I blogged the last LQ, on Celebrity, which was a very timely edition., if you're interested.]

So, do you have any thoughts on work? And the apocalypse, if you want to go there....

Lori

Fame and Celebrity

Ah, the absurdity that is Charlie Sheen's amusing public breakdown...

My good friend Raincoaster linked to me on this video, I will link back to her...'cause while I might have had it cross my sphere first, she posted it first:



I don't know about you, but I've often thought about how little I ever wanted to be famous. Sure, you'd probably be rich, but you'd have to work to preserve your privacy...or let it all hang out, damn the torpedoes! Your public drunkenness, arrests, serial marriages, serial adoptions, drug problems, lust issues, cellulite or just plain bad taste -- all exposed for the world to pick over.

Or worse, you start believing your own hype, what your publicist wants the public to believe, what your sycophants want you to believe...and the last person who has the balls to tell you you're an ass drifts away, lost in the cacophony of adulation -- and you turn your ranting, couch-jumping lunatic self loose on the world.

I just finished reading the Winter 2011 Lapham's Quarterly on the theme of Celebrity...just days before Sheen's spectacular nuttiness. It was a disturbing delight to be inundated with heartfelt opinions, many of them first hand, on all the various permutations of what celebrity can mean, through time.

I still wouldn't choose it.

Lori

Fun-with-Reviewing

I've enjoyed writing reviews, mostly for books (some of which are on my book blog), and I can say that the old adage is true:

It is easier to write a pan than a rave.

Gads, it's hard to find creative ways to say something shines...is wonderful...is transcendent. [Insert cliche here]

But ah...nothing equals a good, bad review!

Just stumbled on a great one, for the animated oeuvre that is Gnomeo and Juliet. Here is a delightful snippet:

The worst sin comes at the top of the second act with the introduction of a madcap flamingo character. In the midst of a loud, desultory story the last thing we need is an extra dose of wacky, changing an annoying movie into something almost impossible to stomach.

Wow. Harsh.

Gotta love it!

Lori

Mis-heard

Last night I was treated to some impromptu haiku...a result of me mis-pronouncing or them mis-hearing my comment on "maudlin' poetry" -- I'm assuming it was the latter.

"Modeling poetry?!?"

Walking down the runway,
wearing nothing but fur --
shouldn't I be warmer?

or

Four inch heels
one month's salary --
no wonder I don't eat.

What can you come up with?

Lori

Batman and Bugs Bunny

What do these two literary (?) heros have in common?

Besides the Bs in their names...

Access. To stuff.

Batman has that great utility belt of his. Without it, he's really just be a guy in a stiff suit.


And Bugs Bunny has...well...his, uh, fur 'pockets'. From which he can pull anything he needs...usually carrots. Here's one of my favourites, where Bugs just happened to have an Acme glass cutter in his 'pocket.'



Check it out.

Merry Christmas,

Lori

Learn a concept...see it everywhere

The other day I happened upon an interesting new word: "skeuomorph"

A skeuomorph, pronounced /ˈskjuːəmɔrf/ SKEW-ə-morf, or skeuomorphism (Greek: skeuos—vessel or tool, morphe—shape)^[1] is a derivative object which retains ornamental design cues to a structure that was necessary in the original.^[2] Skeuomorphs may be deliberately employed to make the new look comfortably old and familiar,^[3] such as copper cladding on zinc pennies or computer printed postage with circular town name and cancellation lines.

Now I see skeuomorphs everywhere! But my new cheesy over the-top favourite was found in a flyer today...this disturbing bit of retro-80s paraphernalia:

(from Innovative Technologies) The whole thing is a mass of skeuomorphic over-design. Although, I must admit, the iWhatever that's inserted into the 'tape' deck looks lovely and spacey.

Lori

Layers of Stupid?

My Grade 5 teacher told my mom, "Lori does not suffer fools lightly." I've tried since then to mitigate that, and have attempted to be open to the less-than-fully-bright in my life.

I'm not that patient.

Got talking to a friend online tonight...she and her kids were watching WipeOut. Oh my.

But I got thinking about a show I used to actually almost enjoy -- partly because I saw it as an amusing observation of the different layers of stupidity.

"What show?" I hear you ask. Ah, well, Street Smarts is the show. Did you never watch it while it was on?

Here's part 1 of an episode for you:



Now, right away, you see the premise: studio audience and contestants (from the studio audience) make fun of the stupid people on the street that the host has interviewed. Will these dumb people know the answers to the incredibly simple questions asked to them?

Ah, but wait.
This episode features Ben the Bronx stud, Molly the future newscaster and Ben the construction worker. These people interviewed on the street know the show, and are thrilled to be on it! Huh? Don't you guys know that everyone is laughing at you?!

But wait...they get some answers right. So they're not utterly hopeless. The contestants, Calysta and Yaron, think they're the shit, 'cause they're the contestants, not the putzes on the street.

But wait...they can 'dunce' each other. That's when one of them challenges the other to answer the question themselves first. Watch Yaron when he 'dunces' Calysta -- he really doesn't know the answer!

So who's really stupid? Who's smart? Those of us watching, laughing knowingly and feeling superior at the absurdity that is this public display of moron-hood? Those in the studio audience, enjoying the excitement and laughing? The person who won the round? The people on the street who got their 15 minutes of fame?

Probably I'm the dumbest, as I've just spent 40 minutes of my life blogging about this.

Enjoy Part 2 (actually, the 'duncing' is in this part):



Do watch the show...I think the host is a hoot!

Lori

Thrift or Desperation?

Awhile back, about a year after I met my husband, I found myself wandering downtown Vancouver and (god forbid!) thinking like him...

"Vancouver does not truly have a poverty problem until the pigeons start disappearing," I thought to myself, staring at a park full of the things.

But then this came to my attention, the most wonderfully random bit of weather news that Canada has ever produced:



First she is a normal person, having a conversation, but then she...

...and no one comments?

Welcome to Canada.

Lori

The Vegas version of 'Free'

I've traveled all over the world, but have never been to Las Vegas...until now.

It's simple. I do not like traveling to locations (1) with lots of tourists, nor (2) where everyone else goes. Las Vegas was on my 'no go' list for both those obvious reasons. People in my life who I'd believed had never been out of the province were saying to me, "Oh Vegas? I love Vegas! Check out the free show at TI!" [C'mon! We all have our own pretensions.]

One word I noticed a lot of was 'Free'. Sites give tips on the free stuff to do in Vegas...and at first blush, things are free. Free drinks at slot machines. Free shows. Free slot play at casinos. Shall we deconstruct?

• Sit at a slot machine and pump money in, esp. when the cocktail waitress walks by, and she'll bring you a drink. Tip her, and she'll be faster next time. Hmm...that sounds like you're paying for something. I prefer the honesty of $1 beer at the Sahara bar.
• Enjoy the free shows in the casinos, and all you have to pay for is drinks. We saw Dian Diaz and her hot 7-piece band play at the Fontana Bar in the Bellagio. A $14 cocktail later, we enjoyed a great band. They need the high price drinks to pay for 8 professional musicians. It was a great cocktail...
• Sign up for the players' club at any casino and you get some form of free slot play deal. The worst is at Hooters -- you get to run $100 through ten $10 spins at dedicated never-win slots. Plus the staff are rude. The best were the ones where you get your card and can play the free cash on any machine, once you'd bet some of your own.

Especially un-free was sitting. You want to rest your dogs? You gotta pay. Drink, eat, play slots...you sit, it costs. I saw a couple of benches here and there, and the Bellagio has the only lobby with seating that I remember, but otherwise, nothing.

But some of the so-called free stuff was amusing. For example, we joyfully sucked in to a 2 or 3-hour presentation & hard sell for a time share to get $125...which extended our eating out budget quite nicely.

Besides the no-place-to-sit problem, and the constant temptation to drink, some activities were fun and free:

Ah. Fremont Street. I truly did not know about the fabulous hourly shows. My man set me up for that. Thank you, honey. The lions at the MGM.

The shows at Circus Circus. Everyone once in awhile, it's good to see a clown. Especially one that isn't too creepy. [On a side note, we stayed at Circus Circus because it had great room deals. And I spent time in a carnival, not to mention I appreciate the absurd, so it seemed well-suited. No cable TV in the rooms...only 3 regular English stations, 3 Spanish stations, and Clown TV -- a bunch of clowns running around Circus Circus doing stuff...weird and, uh, not-wonderful!]


Yes, then the usual. The Bellagio fountain:By the time we caught the Deuce that night, we'd seen the fountain run 5 or 6 times. Not sure why the bus was late, but it arrived with some poor girl puking out the door. [I say 'poor girl' not because I have any sympathy for someone who drinks to that point, but because her 'friend' was filming the whole thing.]

The Mirage volcano:


I think the best free stuff was the people watching. The random brides doing the things we were all doing, like signing up for a players' club (here at Binion's, to get her picture taken with the $1,000,000):
And the best moment, was finding this lovely cowfish swimming gleefully around a big aquarium at Caesar's Palace:Please share with me your favourite things to do in Vegas. I'm sure I'll be going back to that 24-hour amusement park someday in the not-too-distant-future, because it isn't really travel, it's just joining the party!

Lori

Another great yarn...

Awhile back, I posted about the fabulous tale that I was regaled when I asked my question "What's your story?"

Today, I wandered over to Sixteen Tons which I do periodically to see what's new in her world, and was floored with the story that greeted me, entitled Reptile Love. As anyone who reads my blog knows, I revel in the absurd and unexpected. This yarn is well-told, includes a bit of political intrigue, flirtation and...well, just see for yourself:

"I began to get a little nervous. The guy was mercurial enough already and he didn’t need some Parks functionary irresponsibly inflaming him with the spectacle of turtle hard-ons. The acquaintance sounded like it was prospering in a strange way..."

Nicely written, sledpress. Thank you for this.

Does anyone else have any great stories out there? Tell on!

Lori

Suicide - an absurd death of potential

Today is a sad day for my sister's family... a long-time friend is being buried today. He was my nephew's first camp counselor, was close to all three of my nephews, and had been involved with their church community for years. He took his life last week -- he was 26.

A month or so before, the brother of my other nephew's girlfriend also committed suicide. This nephew is 15 and is now having to deal with two unexplained deaths in almost the same number of months.

The worst pain for those left behind must be "Why didn't I see?" The 15-year-old above is, his mother tells me, obsessively reading the texts he received from the young man hours before he took his life. This makes my heart break...how will my nephew(s) recover from this?

I'm sure they will.

Or will they? I think part of the problem is that we, the people around a potential suicide, don't believe it can happen in our worlds. Suicide is so distant from our own thoughts, how can it be present in someone close to us?

At work, we have a philosophy: "Err on the side of the client." Or in the case of suicide, if you think someone might be considering it, better to assume the potential is real than to assume it couldn't possibly happen.

Dealing with their own loss, our beloved Chekov, Walter Koenig, and his wife send out a similar appeal to those with depression or depressed family members (via Raincoaster):


Thank you for sharing.

And if you've landed here after searching 'suicide'...please listen to one more person say "Seriously, it will get better."

Lori

Little Known Facts about Canada

When I taught ESL, if we got on the topic of the geography of Canada, I used to love telling them my favourite bit of info: that France is one of our closest neighbours.

Voilà! Saint-Pierre and Miquelon:


I've never been there. Have any of my Canadian readers? (Went to the official website, and it seems they require a passport to visit.)

So, last month, I was at a Rita MacNeil concert with my mom and her friend, a very funny sweet man with strawberry blond hair...born in an Icelandic enclave in Canada. Who knew that a New Iceland Colony existed on the shores of Lake Winnipeg? I didn't, and I thought I knew quite a bit about my country.

Has anyone else been surprised by this kind of tidbit? Tell me about it!

Lori

Where the line?

Have I created a busy life for myself, or am I engendering chaos?

My day-to-day work is stressful and full...and I often spend the day on the computer, wrenching my brain around concepts, rationales, and budgets.

In my private life

• I bowl on Wednesdays. **Update 2** I'm dedicated to finding us a sponsor for t-shirts this year!
  
• I chair a Board of Directors of the best event in town, the Okanagan International Children's Festival.
• I'm a member of the Board of the networking organization Penticton Women in Business.
• I'm going to be directing a short, one-act play for performance the first week of December.
• I'm helping to organize a local congregation's annual Walk to Bethlehem (a 3-day re-imagining of life in the Ancient Near East, complete with children's pageants and anachronisms).
• I periodically write book reviews.
• I (try to) have a social life.
• I'm presenting at BookCamp Vancouver on Friday.
• Oh, and I'm married, and trying to have a relationship that's more than coffee in the morning.
  

Where can I draw the line? What do I prioritize?

Then there are the things that I want to find time to do:

• Work on my book idea with my buddy who lives in Korea.
• Start work on a MBA.
• Catalogue my movies.
• Spend more time studying French.
• Blog more often.
• **Updated** Organize my photos, make albums even.
• **Updated** Learn to use Photoshop.
• **Update 2** I want to get a conversation salon started in town.
  

It has been an amazing Thanksgiving weekend, where my absolutely perfect turkey was consumed by a small group of close friends. I am grateful for the activities in my life, but I do wonder if I should pare them down.

I would welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

Lori

Cheating or Convenience?

Through the wonders of a Flickr-friend's holiday pictures, I've had an Aha! moment.

I must admit, this picture did not surprise me, instead it made me think: "Of course!!"


Of course there are professional teepee-makers. Why wouldn't there be?

My meeting-addled brain can't think of any parallels in other cultures at the moment...Please help below in the comments!

Lori

Random Questions

...arising from a roadtrip.

In this day'n'age, with the Internet always so there, able to be referenced at a moment's notice, you feel its absence when on the road, in a car. (No, I don't have an iPhone/Blackberry/what-have-you to do this on the road...plus we were traveling in areas without service!)

On our last road trip (this last weekend actually, the pictures are here), Metro and I had a number of questions/speculations. This time, we wrote them down. And now, I'm going to share them with you, because perhaps you'll enjoy them too.

Some were generated purely from the geography:

• Anarchist Mountain in BC's Boundary Country...were there really anarchists there? What's the story?
• Boundary Creek Provincial Park in Greenwood. Check it out. Looks nice.
• Why is the town of Salmo called Salmo? Was there a Mr. Salmo? What did he do?

Some were generated from roadside observations:

• No Tresspassing signs -- does putting one up an prerequisite for being able to actually shoo people from your land? If you don't have one up, can you still oust people you don't want?
• Roadside crosses -- there was an anthropological study done on these (at least one). Look it up. What a weird phenomenon. When/Where did the practice start?
• Fudge as a tourist attraction -- This one has always bothered me. Hell's Gate for years had nothing to do once you got over to the other side other than to buy and eat fudge. Is this just a Canadian tourist stop/trap phenomenon, or do other countries subject their tourists to it as well?

Others just arose from the depth of (mostly) Metro's brain:

• Are there such things as grasshopper breeders?
• What is the difference between an alpaca and a llama?
• What is the story behind the zuccamelon again?

More questions came up, but not when we had paper and pen available. C'est la vie!

We've not gotten around to looking any of these up, so feel free to offer up any resources. Or regale us with your own questions that niggle...

Lori

"Horseshoe Crabs Pile Up For Night Of Whoopee"

Well done, NPR! That's an enticing headline....

All Things Considered has this story today:

On the Delaware Bay shore, there's a swinging party that's been taking place for millions of years.

Those female crabs have this one night a year to, well, be mounted by up to 13 males:

If you're a female horseshoe crab, then it's your night. You'll swim to shore, meet a special someone and he'll clasp onto the back of your shell. You and he will crawl onto the beach together, where you'll spawn at high tide under the light of the full moon.

But the mate attached to your shell is not your only tryst. On this night, you will mate with up to 13 males, all at the same time. Thousands of horseshoe crabs will pile on top of one another, glistening shells covering the beach for miles.

Wow. The mind boggles.

Lori

Where, oh where, has credibility gone?!?

I apologize off the bat for the extraneous punctuation in the above sentence, but I'm trying to express my absolute disillusionment with...how shall I put this?

I'm disillusioned with the people in my workplace whose role it is to guide me...the people who are paid the big bucks to know more than I do. Do I covet their jobs? Good question. Up until today, not really. Oh, down the road maybe, but I'm happy with my responsibility load.

After today, I know I'll be applying to join their ranks the first chance I get.

"But," I hear you ask, "What happened today that changed your mind?"

One word, a neologism of this new Internet age actually, tucked glaringly in a sentence of official government guidance for me to refer to in my day-to-day work: "According to Wikipedia..."

Wikipedia!?!

Since when does a person who is paid to be a credible source of government policy guidance turn to Wikipedia for a definition of a word?

This is wrong in so many ways, I don't know where to begin...except to want to shout "Buy a dictionary!"

In frustration,

Lori