Not too sure about the Ferraris...

Thanks, Nag, for this gem.

Your home is a Futuristic Magnate's Manor Your kitchen is someplace you never go, because you "have people for that." There's a Chocolatessen, which is rapidly becoming your favorite room of the house. Having one is also becoming a trend among your wealthy neighbors. Your master bedroom is the size of a small barn, with carpet thick enough to reach your ankles. Your study has hardback editions of every classic ever written, plus a special edition of Rich Dad, Poor Dad with the parts you ghost-authored highlighted. One of your garages holds your collection of ferraris, and is measured in acreage. Your home also includes a guest wing and private quarters for your servants. Your guests enjoy your animatronic replica of the cantina at Mos Eisley. Outside is your hedge maze and gardens, meticulously tended by a team of world-class botanists. And, you have a pet -- a doberman pincer named "Warren". Below is a snippet of the blueprints:

Find YOUR Dream House!

I think I got the Romance Library 'cause I read Jane Austen...

And my inner geek seems to have been forced out of the closet. How awkward.

Lori

How do I blog?

Tagged by azahar, so here I go...

1. Do you promote your blog?

No...I'm a member of MyBlogLog, but I don't sign in too often. I also tried BlogExplosion for a bit, but it seems like too much work.

2. How often do you check hits?

I had a hit counter for a bit, but it crashed, so I no longer check hits on this blog, but I'll check the blog stats page on my Wordpress blog just to see what brings people in.

3. Do you stick to one topic?

Yes and no. Here at Celebrating the Absurd, I try to just point out the absurdities of life from my point of view, with the odd foray into the wonderful and the sane. On the Book Nook, I obviously try to stick to topics literary.

4. Who knows that you have a blog?

I have lots of family & friends who know that I blog, but who don't read blogs. So safe there! I'm not shy about having blogs, but I don't hand out business cards with the URLs on them!

5. How many blogs do you read?

Wow. Tough question. I'm behind in my blog reading...I've only got some RSS feeds for friends' blogs, the rest are in my favourites folder. I've got a tab on my Netvibes devoted to GTD blogs that I scan quite often. I don't bookmark gossip blogs, I've just got their addresses memorized, so I pop over to them periodically for a fix.

6. Are you a fast reader?

Fast. Too fast sometimes. But I find that I'll skip through reams and reams of on-screen text, not reading it. (Yes, Az, I think it's perfectly normal, which is why all advice to web content developers/writers begins with "Keep it short".)

7. Do you customise your blog or do anything technical?

No, I don't do anything fancy. I've been given my own URL (through one of engtech's contests), for my Wordpress blog, but I've sadly not done anything with it. I do want to transfer my Book Nook to it, but haven't.

8. Do you blog anonymously?

Yes and no. While I don't come out and say "This is me," I do give out enough information that anyone who wanted to hunt me down can.

9. To what extent do you censor yourself?

Well, the answer to the previous question answers this one -- I say nothing here that I wouldn't want to come back and bite me in the ass one day. If I say something about anyone, I would also say it to their face. (Even Ginger.) But then, I'm not shy.

10. The best thing about blogging?

I'm not sure why I started, but I'm glad I did. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist (but only a bit!), so I like being able to share the interesting stuff that comes to my attention.

So, I'll tag Mr. Mad Haiku ('cause I'd love to see his answers in Haiku!), and Creatrix.

Lori

The Wonders of Nature

[Warning: Not absurd.]

My mother sent me an email with the dreaded FW: in the subject line...She doesn't do it often, but yes, she sometimes sends 'forward this to all your friends' type stuff. So I opened it a little trepidationsly (is that a word?), only to discover something truly wonderful.


"Oh, no!" I hear you say, "Those poor huskies are soon-to-be dinner!" But as the speaker says in this presentation of photos, pay attention to the dog's mouth (no fangs), and the bear's ears & fur (still all normal-like)...and then follow the link to see the photos of husky owner and photographer Norbert Rosing. You'll truly be amazed.

Return soon for your (not quite so) regular dose of absurdity.

Lori

So, up until today, I thought I wasn't too terribly hooked into the Internet. You know how it is, you check out some videos here and there, and show them to your friends who are a little less net-savvy than you...but you just know that you're missin' stuff.

But here's a video that sort of scared me -- I got almost all of the references! Gads.

Lifted from Nag, who stole it from OpticalPoptitude, who took it from the source -- test yourself:


Lori

What's funny?

Since university, my answer has always been "Three rocks." 'Tis a Zippy the Pinhead reference which seems silly now. (The official Zippy website is the most blatantly commercial site I've ever seen -- you can't really look at a strip without buying it. Go and see who Zippy is, then leave. We can't be encouraging that kind of shite.)

What's the line? Humour is pain + time? Does that explain why this is funny:?

We recently went to see a traveling group doing The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged), the intensely funny play by the Reduced Shakespeare Company. The warning from the website reads:

This show is a high-speed roller-coaster type condensation of all of Shakespeare's plays, and is not recommended for people with heart ailments, bladder problems, inner-ear disorders and/or people inclined to motion sickness.

Well, this group from the Kootenays did a brilliant job of it -- three of the most physical and naturally funny guys I've ever seen. One of them, who happened to be Jewish, was even able to throw in a joke about concentration camps.

Huh?

Well, you know I won't be trying that soon...

Lori

Time to upgrade my French!!

'Tis time! I work for the Government of Canada, and I happened to mention to my supervisor today that I would be interested in upgrading/testing my French...

5 minutes later, I'm asked "How would you like to handle this agreement?" My co-worker says, "Hey, isn't that one in French?!?"

Gulp.

Okay, I'll be honest. I don't mind, really, because I need extrinsic motivation to learn a language.

Like, being dumped headfirst into a situation where I need it. Kindergarten at a French Catholic school. High school in Brazil.

A French agreement at work.

Just don't forget to test me for my bilingual pay increase -- soon!

Lori

My Book

You're The Hobbit!

by J.R.R. Tolkien

All you wanted was a nice cup of tea when some haggard crazy old man
came into your life and told you it was time to do something with yourself. Now you're
all conflicted about whether to stick with your stay-at-home lifestyle or follow this
crazy person into the wild. While you're very short and a little furry, you seem to be
surrounded by an even greater quantity of short folks lately. Try not to lose your ring,
but keep its value in perspective!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Whew!! I don't know about the short and furry part, but I'm glad I'm a book I enjoy!

Via Casa Az, who ripped it from Archie's Archive, who got it from...ah, you know how it goes!

Lori

Ah, finally! Porn for women!

Thanks, Nag. You've made my day!

Check it out. Men too -- you might learn something.

Lori

How to Age Well

A hell of a lot has been said about "you're only as old as you feel" -- and I'm a firm believer in this.

My father was 24 years older than my mother.

As a kid, I loved it! I used to wow my friends with lines like "My grandpa is 3 years younger than my dad!" As a teen, I loved his quiet sense of humour and his respect for words. We used to watch M.A.S.H. together and Bugs Bunny on Saturday mornings.

He and Mom had a brilliant relationship. They'd met when she was in her late 20s, in a small Ontario town, and the rest, as they say, was history.

My dad got his first pacemaker when he was 50, the year I was born. So he didn't expect to see my sister and I finish high school...but instead, he lived until my sister and I were in our 30s, saw me through university, and met and knew his three grandchildren very well.

The best thing about my dad was his attitude about life -- he did not get old until about a couple of years before he died. Everyone who knew him felt young too.

One of his best friends was 50 when Dad died, and I thought he was truly hot. So, in my one experiment with online dating, I thought nothing of going out to meet a 48-year-old man for a cup of coffee. But man, was he old!! That's when I realized that age is in your head.

I had a student from Korea once who irritated me to no end. He was 30, and actually said, in class, that he was old. He went on and on about it -- I was infuriated. How happy can that guy's life be? What had happened in his life to make him feel old at such an early age?

My mom is young. She's turning 70 this week, but doesn't act it, or look it. She's just booked her tickets to Kenya and Ethiopia for the fall, and she was in India the year before. She travels to California every year, and goes to Europe every second year.

My sisters in-laws are a couple of years younger than our mom, but they refer to Mom as "the young grandma" and they are old.

Did I mention that she's now traveling with her friend, a very funny man who is 10 years her junior? They're definitely more than friends -- they spend a lot of time together. He makes her laugh, and they seem very happy hanging out together.

In this week, when both my mom and her friend are celebrating their birthdays, I would like everyone to celebrate your own life, and remember that you are only as old as you want to be.

Lori

Only if I popped off today...

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Improve your life (Warning: Low on Absurd Scale!)

I was browsing my Netvibes GTD blog feed this morning (see Az, I really do use it at home!), and I found a really thoughtful post from over at Lifehack.org on 10 Virtually instant ways to improve your life -- every single point was something everyone needs to have tattooed to the back of their hand to remember (figuratively speaking, of course).

For example:

Don’t invent rules. A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What’s the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.

Now, I do have life rules, but they are lessons learned rules, so I think they're okay.

Rule #1
"Always wear comfortable shoes."

Rule #2
"Never live with your best friend."
[Corollary to Rule #2: "Live with someone who can be your best friend."]

There really are only 2 rules, but I'll jokingly add them as they come up. Like, Rule #23 (in the Travel subset of rules) "Always use the bathroom when you get a chance."

Any to add?

Lori

The All-New Definition of "Friend"

In the paper the other day (proof positive that not only has Facebook has become mainstream, but that I'm seriously behind the times!):


Even my cats have friends on FB! It's a weird, no stress kinda way of keeping in touch, at a distance, with people. Some you want, others you're not quite sure: "Why is this person asking to be my friend on FB? S/he and I wrote each other off years ago!"

Is it new-found maturity (on whose part?), or just I've-gotta-have-more-friends-on-my-profile syndrome?

Ah well. I'll keep going, mostly because I enjoy the long-distance Scrabble games I've got going!

Lori

You'd think...

...that having regular hours in one's life would create more time for things like blogging.

But no.

I apologize for being so distant lately. I'll get more into a rhythm with the new job and write more often soon.

Cheers,

Lori

Back to the Productivity Search

As my loyal readers know, I'm not only about the absurdities. I've been doing my own search through the various apps for my own productivity package (here and here, if you're interested). I read all the various GTD blogs out there, because they're interesting, and full of ideas.

And all of this was fine and good when I kept my office online as an independent project person. Now I'm working for the government, and can't add anything to my computer, can't get to many of my fave Web2.0 sites, and I've only got Outlook now. What's a girl to do?

I need to start search for Outlook GTD tips, and think text & paper. So I'm always checking the GTD feeds.

And here's yet another great productivity blog that I've only just discovered -- Productivity 501 (doesn't hurt that he's also running a contest!). The name of the blog appeals to the intellectual in me, who would always like to think that I'm functioning beyond the first year, undergrad level. The author, Mark, is a business consultant, with a tech background.

My first browse this morning has netted me a very useful article -- on creating passwords. I've never taken passwords too terribly seriously over the years, but now, working for the government, I must. So here are some great tips! With this advice coming from a techie, I'll be applying some of these principles, as I change my multiple work passwords on a regular basis.

In another article, he's got a great argument for credit cards -- they protect you more against fraud:

"With checks and debit cards, you have to get your money back if it was taken by fraud. With a credit card, the credit card company acts as a buffer. The money doesn’t come out of your account until you pay the bill."

Overall, Productivity 501 has some very good ideas on the subject of productivity... plus a few more topics that strike the writer's fancy -- like his updates on Free Academic Podcasts. The entries on productivity are not, for the most part, which software to use, or tips on using Outlook/Gmail/fill-in-the-blank-program, there are blogs enough on those more technological tips. These are more personal, more personnel, and more about your whole life than just about what you do on the computer, which is a pleasant addition to the whole GTD roster.

All that said, I do have a problem with the site's accessibility. He does have a search box, and the bottom of each entry does have links to 'possibly related' entries, but browsing around I really felt the lack of tags, or some other kind of sidebar thematic linking. I found myself wanting to tag lots of the entries "tools" -- because he seems to share a bit of an obssession with me, finding the right tool for the job (that's my one beef with Metro in the kitchen, he's always using the wrong utensils!).

I continue the search for my own system!

Lori

Wow! I'm floored.

Periodically over the last 12 years, I would do a bit of a phone book, Internet search for a friend I'd lost touch with. A great friend -- a drinking & travel partner, a confidante, a dance partner, a fellow adventurer, ready to go at a moment's notice ...everything you need in a friend, really.

Two weeks ago, when 'Samson' got in touch with me, I went all nostalgic. Actually forced a girlfriend to look at pictures of my two years in the Big Smoke...albums which were also full of this other friend as well. I've been thinking of him again.

So I looked online again.

And I found him tonight. Or else, he found me.

I'm feeling really pumped. Memories of our trip to Niagara Falls. Our flirtations (with the same guys sometimes!), our rather momentous bouts of 20-something drinking, our first-time karaoke...

The internet is a scary thing. (Or is it Facebook?)

Lori

SHH! Don't tell him!

If you've been in M. et Mme Metro domicile in the last couple of years, you would have heard the following:

He (a propos of what-have-you): "That sounds a lot like Dr. Seuss." (pronounced 'soyce')

She: "Please! It's Seuss!" (pronounced 'soos')

I tell you, do not visit 301 Useless Facts, and above all else, do not look at #38!

Gads.

Lori

Will my job be this fun?

If this is legit, then the staff at the Smithsonian are having far too much fun:

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie."

It gets better:

3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

and:

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.

Now they're just teasing the poor guy:

We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

I'll probably run into all sorts of interesting, fun stuff...but I think I won't be blogging about work -- I'll probably have to sign a statement to that effect.

Lori

What more can I share?

Tagged again (here's my earlier post), with the 6 Weird Things about You "meme", this time by a woman who is weird in her own way. [I'm over a month late. Sorry.]

So, 'cause I love talking about myself [why else would I write a blog, now, eh?], here's some more about me:

I re-read books and re-watch movies, a lot. So much new to read, and I find that one of the best ways for me to relax is to watch/read something I've read/watched millions of times before. I'll open the book to the middle, skip the dvd to a scene halfway through...drop right into the story.

I prefer to take pictures of architecture and urban corners than people or flowers. It's so bad that I've got to get Creatrix to photoshop a picture of my husband and I together in Paris on our honeymoon!

Shopping for clothes is an activity I loathe. I have no respect for the fashion industry. I started watching The Devil Wears Prada with a sense of superiority, "Oh, a movie about the fashion industry...", started identifying with the main character (the woman who gets the job), then this scene showed up:

Miranda Priestly: [Miranda and some assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit. Andy sniggers because she thinks they look exactly the same] Something funny?
Andy Sachs: No, no, nothing. Y'know, it's just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. Y'know, I'm still learning about all this stuff.
Miranda Priestly: This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean. You're also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

Hmm.

I sometimes feel like I'm pretending to be an adult.

Okay, enough now. Feel free to tag yourselves.

Two days until the weekend, and then my new, all-grown-up-now job.

Lori

Celebrating the 30s

As I near the end of my own 30s, I have a friend who's turning the big 3-0 today.

What is it about ageing? (I'm not even going to start with the big MLC!) When I turned 30, I was in Korea, so it actually happened when I was 28. 'Twas no big deal. I also grew up with a dad who wasn't mentally old until his health caught up with him -- about 80. Mom was 24 years younger than him, and has still forgotten to age. (So why is it that my sister is all weird about her age? She still tries to tell people she's 29!)

Anyway, back to my friend. This morning I searched for some positive statements on 'women turning 30' and in 10 pages of Google hits, only got 2 that were mostly upbeat about moving out of the 20s. The 'oh no, my life is ending' tune that everyone sings is really just annoying.

People! The 30s are better than the 20s!

Proof #1
People take you seriously now.

Proof #2
You've survived your 20s and no longer need to learn things like how to pay bills, how to apply for a job, how to dump a guy gently. (Okay, so you may need refresher courses, but you've done the 100 levels.)

Proof #3
You'll no longer annoy older people with your "I discovered sex" attitude. We can invite you to parties now.

Proof #4
In this day'n'age, you can continue to do the things you enjoy. It's not like you have to give up rock climbing, beer swilling, and movie collecting...you may just find you prefer a better brand of beer.

Ack. I could go on, but I won't, because I'm finding that I'm the other cliché: a 30-something pontificating on the 20s.

Ah well.

Happy Birthday!

Lori

A Hate-on for Microsoft

The computer here at Kidsfest had a huge crash awhile back...conveniently enough (!!) 10 days before the Festival.

If that wasn't enough, when we got a pretty much empty loaner from the shop, a guy here downloaded the new MS Office 3-month trial onto it...Not my first choice, but I was busy.

Then, a woman came in to do some work for us -- brilliant. I was swamped, and she was going to be of definite use. I put her on the new computer, and then when we opened up the all-new MS Word, it was a completely different interface.

Now, I'm mighty skilled with computers, but it took me 30 minutes of f**king around to find "Save As"! Folks, there's something wrong with that.

Then of course, NOTHING you create in this new version of Office can be read ANYWHERE else, even the last version of Office. You have to realize that, and save everything to a different compatibility.

Then today, I needed an Avery template, to make some labels. If I want one that's compatible with this new version, I have to go through the hoops to have Microsoft check my program, make sure it's valid, paid for, etc. Go to the Avery site, and their downloads aren't compatible, of course.

So now, I'm blogging while I download Open Office on this computer.

The next computer I buy will run Linux.

Microsoft, GET STUFFED.

Lori